Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
