margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
