i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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