We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
