I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I fill condoms, not promises.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
