Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
