for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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