im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Girls should come with a carfax report
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
