I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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