he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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