I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver just had a heart attack.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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