Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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