I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
