Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
