we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
so much tequila, so little girl.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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