we have pet lesbian snakes
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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