I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
