the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
