You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
