super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
