kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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