It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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