How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He shit in the fireplace
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
