Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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