Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
