I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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