How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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