Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
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