OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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