The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
