Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
