I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
