Got a toothbrush?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
