Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Barsexuality is the new black.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
