i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I stole a fireplace last night.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
