When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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