I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize