evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
