eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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