You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
