I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
