so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
