i think my tv is drunk
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize