Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
