pop tarts are not kleenex
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
