Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
