I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
