Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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