is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
