just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
