oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
