I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
