so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
