Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
