we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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