Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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