im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
