So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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