I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
