You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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