i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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