3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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