i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
